My “Gameplan” For The Next Six Weeks

Today I fly out to Germany for the next six weeks. Aside from the horrible fact (for you) that I won’t be on the podcast for the next six episodes, I’m also severely limited in my future gaming experiences. See, I’ve only got room for one console in my bags, and I’m taking my Wii because it’s the smallest. I’m going to try and finish all the games I have, and finally get my money out of them.

Here’s the list:
Okami
Metroid Prime 3: Corruption
Resident Evil 4: Wii Edition
Super Mario Galaxy
Super Paper Mario
Wii Sports
Wii Sports Resort

At the very least, I plan on beating Super Mario Galaxy and making Metroid Prime 3 my bitch. Other than that, who knows. Looking at the list now, it sure looks pretty bare-boned for six weeks of gameplay. Luckily, I’ll be busy traveling Bavaria and won’t notice.

It gets even more depressing when I look at the list of game releases I’m missing: Bayonetta, Darksiders, Dark Void, Mass Effect 2, MAG, BioShock 2, Dante’s Inferno, and Aliens Vs. Predator. Woe is me!

Six-Pack and a Sunburn Not Included

There’s a NASCAR Kart racing game coming out for the Wii tomorrow? Why didn’t anyone tell me? I could have been making fun of it so long ago!

I love how the Wii keeps coming out with full-priced retail games that are on par with a Burger King game that I bought two years ago for three bucks with a Whopper meal.

The New Athletics Department

It seems that every retail outlet is jumping on the video game bandwagon nowadays. This is a picture I snapped in the bookstore at my school (University of Hawaii) earlier today of an all Nintendoed-out kiosk right in the center of the place. Also on sale are DS’s and PSP’s, as well as a few other Wii games that aren’t pictured among the stinkers above.

Many traditionally non-game selling stores like this one aren’t stupid, and they see that games, specifically the Wii, are the hot ticket right now. I can’t say if it’s actually working for them, but I can say that I haven’t seen anyone walking around campus with a freshdly purchased Wii remote accessory kit yet.

250 Well Spent Dollars

Thiis Wiis were spotted by mii at my local Best Buy last week, just sitting on the table, ready to be consumed. I think this is the first time I’ve seen an inventory (there were about five other stacked next these ones) just sitting out un-purchased.

Does this mean that Nintendo’s supply issues are no longer? Or maybe people caught on that, outside of four or five games, the Wii doesn’t really have much offer? Probably not, it was most likely just a midday shipment that hadn’t been scooped up yet. Either way, if you’re in Honolulu and niid a Wii, check out Best Buy. Make sure you pick up All Star Cheer Squad while you’re there, you won’t regret it.

Step One In The Creation Of A Killer

Look at this. This is a peripheral for the supposedly “family friendly” Nintendo Wii. Not only does this look like a shotgun, it looks (and probably feels) like a sawed-off shotgun that has no use but for killing people at a very close range. I thought parents were supposed to be against these kinds of things.

I’m not going to lie, the thought of standing perpendicular to my TV, holding this gun out in one hand, and squeezing off shells into the dome of the Duck Hunt dog sounds like a lot of fun, but that’s because I’m adult and I’m allowed to think violence is cool. It’s periphs like these that turn our youth into the mass-murdering pshychopaths that we pretty much expect them to become.

Please Take More Of My Money, Nintendo. You Obviously Need It More Than I Do.

One night a couple of weeks ago, when I was in Red-Ring hell and only playing the Wii, I was in the mood for something new, yet something old at the same time (like your grandma’s breast implants). I ended up buying a Virtual Console game that was highly recommended by vc-reviews.com, called ActRaiser. Here’s a quick description:

“During game play the player fills the role of the ‘Master’, a powerful being awakened from a long sleep to find the civilizations of his former world in shambles. Through a combination of side-scrolling action stages and overhead-view “god” simulation mode the Master slowly rebuilds his world and regains his followers and powers.”

Sounds good to me. Sold, let’s play. But wait! What did you just say, Nintendo? Was it that amongst the dozens of peripherals I have for various Nintendo games, none of them will work with this game, and I need to spend more money on another controller just to play this game that’s old enough to buy cigarettes? Yeah, that’s what I though you said.

So that’s why I ended up buying the Wii Classic Controller over Amazon the other day. The shitty thing is now that I have a fully functioning 360, and a busload of rad games in the pipeline, I’ll probably never even hit “start” on ActRaiser again. You win again, Nintendo.

Something Old, Nothing New

Anyone interested in a new Kid Icarus on the Wii? Neither am I.

I understand that Nintendo deals heavily in nostalgia, but that doesn’t mean everything they do should be a throwback to the old days. It’s really time for them to come out with something new, instead of reviving an OK game first released back in 1986.

Kid Icarus Wii still hasn’t been confirmed, but when the rumor winds are blowing this strongly, the S.S. Official Announcement should set sail soon.

Mario Kart Tournament: Best Time?

On Mario Kart Wii‘s uniquely-named “Mario Kart Channel”, you can now participate in the game’s first online tournament, where drivers compete for the fastest time through the “Mario Circuit” track. The world record is hovering around 1:30, but my best time so far is 2:03. How is everyone else doing?

Now if I can just get my hands on a golden mushroom (pictured above), I may be able to shave off some more seconds.

the hunt is on…for a different game to play

I refused to believe that Manhunt 2 was as bad as all the terrible reviews it received. I thought those were just reactions to a game that got so much press, and ended up giving in to censors while still trying to attract buyers with its gratuitous violence. I assumed there would surely be some good gameplay in there; some redeeming qualities that would make it a fun game.

I was wrong.

Aside from the bad dialogue and crappy visuals, it’s just a terrible game at its very core. It tries to be all Sam Fisher-ish and makes you sneak around in the shadows to avoid being seen so you can pop out at the right moment and execute someone without them ever knowing you were there. The game never lets you do that, though, because the enemies are constantly turning around to see you, and you can’t sneak up behind them as they’re walking because they walk faster than you can sneak, and if you pick up the pace at all, your footsteps blow your cover. It also doesn’t help that your character moves with the sugarplum fairy agility of a Sherman tank.

I don’t want to run this too long because I don’t need a bunch of words to tell you that a game you already know is crap…is crap. But I will say one thing about the most infuriating aspect of the game. I didn’t think the whole de-violencing of the execution scenes would be a big deal, but it really was. Whenever I finally got the drop on someone and had the chance to brutally murder them (which is pretty much the point of the game), and all I get to see is what looks like a burning film reel coming apart on screen, it really sucks all the wind out of the game, and effectively takes away any reason to play it. So don’t.

52 death rattles out of 100

Wii Fit: I’m Buying It

Suckah, I’m buying Wii Fit next month when it comes out. My Wii has sat unplayed for too long, and I don’t really want to play the same games I’ve played before that have worse graphics than my Xbox 360 (as I nod towards Super Mario Galaxy, Metroid Prime, Super Paper Mario). I want something different, something that may actually get me a bit more into shape.

My wife doesn’t know it yet, but she’ll be playing, too. I’m not going to look like a goombah alone.

a wii bit underwhelming

I think it’s time for me to finally come out and say it: I’m disappointed with the Wii. After a year of defending it against people that say it’s weak, and there are no good games, and it’s just too gimmicky, I’m caving in and admitting that I expected much more out of it than it has given to me so far.

I came to this epiphany today while I was perusing the video game section at Best Buy, and the vast majority of Wii games were titles like “Sonic Riders: Zero Gravity,” “Nitrobike,” and “Winter Sports: Ultimate Challenge,” none of which scored higher than a 6.5 in Game Informer’s extremely forgiving reviews. The Triple-A titles like Super Mario Galaxy, Twilight Princess, and Smash Bros. are drowning in the mini-game quicksand that is the Wii’s game library, and those three games are just the newer versions of game franchises that have been around for generations.

I really hope the Wii gets starts to improve on its games soon. I just read a quote from the creator of the recently-released Wii game, No More Heroes, where he says, “…I wasn’t expecting that Wii would be a console targeted only for non-gamers. I expected more games for hardcore gamers. The reality is much different.” Ditto.

who’s up for a good ol’ fasioned killin’ spree?

After ten hours and twenty-two minutes of gratuitous violence and enough blood spilled to make Exxon Valdez look like a sippy-cup uh-oh, I finally finished No More Heroes. This game was so bat-shit crazy that I’m not even really sure what just happened. I don’t even know if I loved it or hated it. I do know, though, that if the people that thought Mass Effect had too much sex and violence caught a glimpse of this game, it would make their heads explode.

I’m going to work on a thorough write-up, once I wash the blood stains out of my brain.

doesn’t sound so super just yet

My friend Raul just called me and told me about his first few days with his shiny new toy, Super Smash Bros. Brawl. He confirmed what I have been hearing so far; that the servers are so clogged that it’s nigh impossible to get into a match online right now. He did say, though, that he is able to spectate others’ matches, which some people aren’t able to do. But from what I hear, he’s just lucky that his copy even worked.

I haven’t picked up a copy or played it yet, but hopefully by the time I do, this whole mess will be straigtened out. I’d hate to see something similar to the Xbox Live Christmas fiasco.

look at all that blood

I just played through the first section of No More Heroes, and I can honestly say that it’s already hands-down the most insane game I’ve ever played. So far, I’ve chopped off more heads than I ever have before (both in video games, and real life), and with each death comes more blood than a Gallimimus being eaten by a T-Rex. I think this game was made by a violent anime-loving psychopath that grew up watching the WWF. Don’t get me wrong, though, it’s totally awesome, and something completely surprising to see on such a family-friendly console such as the Wii.

The main character, Travis Touchdown, does have a really cute kitten in his apartment, though.

wii would like (time off of work) to play

I received No More Heroes in the mail from Gamefly yesterday. I’ve been on a nonstop work-school-work schedule all week though, so I haven’t had the chance to play it. I’m looking forward to it, though, as I’ve heard some pretty positive reviews about it. I was worried about his one because I played this studio’s (Suda 51) last game “Killer 7,” and it was one of the worst games of all time. That’s hardly just my opinion, either, everyone hated it. Supposedly this one is much, much better though. One guy even said that it could already be a contender for this year’s Game of the Year. Fat chance, I think he was just trying to generate some controversy. Maybe I’m wrong, I’ll have to play it first.