The Good, The Bad And The Cosplay – Captain Price Edition

It is now a well established fact, accepted the world over, that Captain John Price is the baddest motherfucker that ever was.

• I heard that Genghis Khan used to wake up from nightmares in a cold sweat shouting, “NO PRICE, NO!”.
• I heard the French market chain “Monoprix*” was named after Price gave every woman in Paris mono from a month-long makeout sesh.
• I heard the original monologue for the MW1 teaser was “50,000 people used to live here… then Price showed up.”
• I heard Vincent Price was going to turn down doing the voiceover for Michael Jackson’s Thriller until he got a call from Captain Price telling him “Dewwit. Wot koind ofeh moppet ah yough?”
• I heard that Price wasn’t in the gulag with the Sptetsnaz…. the Spetsnaz were in the gulag with Price.

That being said, I have a hard time even looking at the above picture of some girl dressed up as England’s greatest hero without puking all over my laptop in disgust. How dare anyone attempt to copy the swagger of C.J.P.?

I don’t even think I need to fully critique (Price invented the word critique, btw. Look it up.) this attempt so I’ll just put up this picture of Captain Price eating the Kremlin.

What do you folks think?

*prix means Price in French.

The Good, the Bad and the Cosplay 13

I was pretty surprised that there were so many Travis Touchdowns out there of the interwebs. I personally never played No More Heroes (Should I? Is it any good?) but I like the main character just from the look of him. It was a funny moment that I realized that I have the same outfit, pompadour and Walter glasses.

Sadly this was the best picture I could get for this Cosplayer, I think he looks the best out of the bunch. Is he wearing the glove on the right hand? A reasonable facsimile of the t-shirt? There’s no way to tell. I’m going to say that he did pretty well just on GP. Good job, Travis wannabe.

What say you?

The Good The Bad and The Cosplay: Super Turbo Champion HD Remix Edition

And Lo! There came a new version of GBC with hi-res images, a poll where readers could cast votes and most importantly… lens flares! Now if you guys can jut start sending me the money I so desperately need, I should be set.

There seems to be a surplus of Faith-based (lol) costumes out there. It makes sense I suppose. After all, Mirror’s Edge was an empowering game for chicks (as mom tells me).

But let’s get down to the nitty gritty, shall we? Go ahead and vote on mademoiselle’s adaptation. And check the gallery for the runners (omg, runners, that’s two! lol) up.

The Good, The Bad and The Cosplay 12

Here we go…

I call this one Ponce of Persia. Get it? Ponce… like in England? Hold on a second…

So clearly I was referencing Ponce de Leon thereby insinuating that the guy in the picture is the sort of fool that would hastily organize an expedition to the Americas and become injured by a poisoned arrow and eventually die in Havana.

The Good, The Bad and the Cosplay 11

Within the layers of cosplay there rests a strata of individuals that I find more off-putting than any other. Furries. I’ve talked about them before, so I know knowledge of them is getting out there somehow.

They creep me out. I would rather dive head first in to a LARP battlefield than spend one minute with a Yiffer.

The Good the Bad and The Cosplay 10

I’m not a huge fan of Resident Evil 4, It didn’t grab me as a wholly realistic zombie-cult evasion game, like Bubble Bobble was. It’s true what they say, Diff’rent Strokes right? Anyways, take a look at this gent right yonder!

In all of my decades researching and chronicling Cosplayers the world over, this guy seems the most moderatley dedicated guy yet. What got me about this fellow was the dedication to the source material. You know that he took his time to get that pose just right. You can feel the sweat that was running down his back from holding the position, as he subtly curses at his mom to hurry up and snap the shot between his motionless lips.

There are things in this life that I’ll never forget. My first night in prison, that body I found by the creek behind my uncle’s cabin and the definition of the word “verisimilitude” are all well and good. And now this fellow’s hair joins those memories in my brain.

Click for BONUS COSPLAY ACTION!

The Good, The Bad and The Cosplay 9 – Triumphant Return Edition

Well, it may seem like a year since I was last on but if you take the time to look, my last official posting on the site was on the 29th of last April. Barely a month ago. Still, it has been nothing short of a global outpouring from the fans of Threevue, A-list celebrities and many, many foreign dignitaries for me to get off my ass and get back on my ass and start posting again. A few points of interest…

• A Kid Icarus remake would be a phenomenal idea for the Wii, what else are you going to wait to play on it? SM Galaxy 2? Zelda 4, or 5 or whatever? The Wii is never going to push the medium of games forward (unless you’re a “casual gamer”, then it’s super keen!) as compared to the PS3 or the 360, so why not revisit the games it was good with way back when?

• Beyond Good and Evil= Overrated

• Indy 4; The only way it could have been better would be if the aliens looked like lead-lined, nuclear strength fridges brimming with grapefruit sized-man eating-ants that travel though space on vines like capuchin monkeys.

• Penny Arcade Adventures Episode 1: On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness is a perfect XBLA game (not a perfect game in toto, but just right for XBLA) and is a great rpg for non-rpg players.

And there you have it… all caught up. It’s like I never left (as Mark and Russ roll their eyes at each other from across the internet). And now down to business.

PROs

Form-fitting body suits have served women (and therefore, men) well for ages… or at least Batman 2.

CONs

No attention to de tail (Get it? Tail?)

Some characters just aren’t made to be cos-played upon. A full grown woman masquerading as an impish, flying feline doesn’t register as well as some would think. In fact, it’s weird.

She needs to flip the script on that fused shadow.

It’s probably just me but, It looks like the girl (the one on the left, the other one is a cat/thing) is farting.

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Yes! Reigniting the flame kindled within the hearts of every gamer on the planet. Ahem… I want to introduce you all to HAGGAR!!!!!!1!111

I gotta say, folks. I’ve done eight of these things and this guy’s face takes the cake. Look at that EYEBROW! It almost takes away from his upside-down-pear shaped body. Is it weird that this guy’s skin is as white as his idol’s teeth and eyeballs? Get sum sun, son.

The Good, the Bad and the Cosplay 7

Subject #9

Pokemon Trainer Ash Ass

Aaaaaaaaaaaand we’re back.

Here we have number 9 in the series that wades hip-deep in the putrid muck of bad cosplay. But I jest, I mean, not every cosplayer is invariably gawd-awful. Some are pretty cool, showing with their work an eye for detail, exacting standards and a real love for the hobby. It’s just 99% that are cringe-inducing bad.

What we have above isn’t really so bad, It’s not the worst thing you could cull from the depth this dark art.

The Good, the Bad and the Cosplay 6

I figured a return to form was in order now that we’re firmly two days in to the new year. No more of the previous leniency with the dregs of dress-uppery. May I present to you all, the first GBC of 2007 2008.

SUBJECT #8

Dr. Robutt-nik (too easy)

Charles Vanderlough-Wittenfitz was born in to a life of privilege; being the only son of the automotive industry magnate James Vandelrough and the oil baroness Cynthia Wittenfitz. Charles played many a video game in his life, always having the means to acquire, play and discard the games as his inclination wanned. But as cartridges gave way to discs, the games came to mean more to him. They were no longer just the occupiers of time… time not spent at either Martha’s Vineyard with his detestable uncle Magnus or in the crushing, oppressive grip of the Langston Heathrow School for Boys in upstate New York.

The Good, the Bad and the Cosplay 5

Merry Christmas all! Seeing as how I’ve shown nothing but the bad side of the cosplay circuit, I figured that the Holidays would be a good time to showcase one of the better specimens the worlds next Official Olympic Event; dressing up like anime/video game characters.

SUBJECT #7

Grey Fox 

I’m usually so caught up with belittling the cosplayers that when a legitimately well done creation finds it’s way on to my screen, I’m a bit taken back. This is one of the finer examples of the craft that I’ve come across, hands down. Even though it’s a woman inside the costume, I’d like to give the wearer a carpal-crushing handshake and a hearty slap on the back, as I look upon her with welled up eyes, brimming with tears and admiration. Hit the jump for more examples.

The Good, The Bad and The Cosplay 4

In celebration of the recent Street Fighter IV debacle between 1UP and some Brazilian blog, and the related screenshots of the game being available for ocular consumption, I now pronounce this GBC post to be completely SF themed!!!! Enjoy.

*Editor’s Note- None of the individuals below could be reached for comment. Sadly, everyone of them was burned alive in a bus fire that consumed their community housing building. Please, Make donations HERE.

SUBJECT #4

Ry-Ewwww!

My Critique:

• After a lot of punching (which is what street fighters do, after all) this guy’s knuckles are gonna be pulverized. He needs a real set of gloves.
• PS -Work out.

The Good, The Bad and The Cosplay 3

Just because a game character is half human-half fox doesn’t mean there isn’t some one out there who doesn’t want to dress up as them. On the Contrary. That means the person who does dress up likes the character way too much.

SUBJECT #3

StarSux

Jeff “Yiff Master” Marklestonovich was born in Haapsalu, Estonia to Harriet and Bernard Marklestonovish, a couple who immigrated to Palmdale, California in 1951 in order to avoid political prosecution during the reign of “Terrible” Otto Teif . Until he was 23, Jeff possessed no material objects accept for stuffed fox (лиса) given to him by his long dead grandmother. When asked if that was a determining factor in why he dresses as CPT. McCloud, Jeff replied, “I leiyk thee fiyl of de fluyfy fyur”… Indeed.

The Good, The Bad and The Cosplay 2

Part two in our ongoing look at the cringe inducing bastardization of our favorite Video Game characters.

SUBJECT #2

Stink’s Adventure

Ouch.

The Good, the Bad and the Cosplay.

Don’t let the title fool you. Here be the first in a sporadic and irregular series chronicling the very worst the world of Cosplay has to offer.

SUBJECT #1

(Not So) Mega Man