I’ve never been so happy to play Wii in my life

Last week I hooked up my Wii by trying to use it in a European plug with a cheap, $10 AC volt converter. After about ten minutes of play the little converter shorted, taking my Wii’s AC adapter with it in a smoky, fried mess. Mercifully, Amazon sells a Wii AC adapter that accepts both 110v and 240v, which you can get here for $18.

It arrived in the mail today (one week shipping to a military address in Germany, not bad) and I immediately popped in Resident Evil 4: Wii Edition, hoping to convert some zombies into a lathery pile of oozy, passive-aggressive revenge. Turns out the controls are hard as HELL to jump right into and I was pitchforked in no time.

Hmmmph. On to Wii Sports Resort.

OHMYGOD! It’s Just What’ I’ve Been Looking For!

I have a “FAIR” offer for you right after the break. Let me know if you accept!

Darknesses

Can you guess what the following games all have in common?

Dark Sector

Alone in the Dark

Darkest of Days

Darksiders

The Darkness

Dark Void

Dark Messiah Of Might and Magic: Elements

Dark Could

Dark Mist

Dark Angel

Perfect Dark

Perfect Dark Zero

Tenchu: Dark Secret

Tekken 5: Dark Resurrection

Bleach: Dark Souls

Overlord: Dark Legend

Operation Darkness

Penny Arcade Adventures: On the Rainslick Precipice of Darkness

Eternal Darkness

Chronicles of Riddick: Dark Athena

Syphon Filter: Dark Mirror

Gear of War 2: Dark Corners

That’s right, they aaaaaaallllll suck.

My “Gameplan” For The Next Six Weeks

Today I fly out to Germany for the next six weeks. Aside from the horrible fact (for you) that I won’t be on the podcast for the next six episodes, I’m also severely limited in my future gaming experiences. See, I’ve only got room for one console in my bags, and I’m taking my Wii because it’s the smallest. I’m going to try and finish all the games I have, and finally get my money out of them.

Here’s the list:
Okami
Metroid Prime 3: Corruption
Resident Evil 4: Wii Edition
Super Mario Galaxy
Super Paper Mario
Wii Sports
Wii Sports Resort

At the very least, I plan on beating Super Mario Galaxy and making Metroid Prime 3 my bitch. Other than that, who knows. Looking at the list now, it sure looks pretty bare-boned for six weeks of gameplay. Luckily, I’ll be busy traveling Bavaria and won’t notice.

It gets even more depressing when I look at the list of game releases I’m missing: Bayonetta, Darksiders, Dark Void, Mass Effect 2, MAG, BioShock 2, Dante’s Inferno, and Aliens Vs. Predator. Woe is me!

Ezio Auditore de Firenze a la Latte Barista

Just as Mel Gibson proved to us without a doubt that Jesus invented the table, Ubisoft has shown us that everybody’s favorite assassin Ezio invented the Cafe Latte in the Thieves Guild of Venice.

Killer, lover, barista. What can’t Ezio do?

Bayonetta Gets a 9.5. I Think Somebody’s Thinking With The Wrong Head

IGN gave Bayonetta the following score: 9.5/”Incredible”. As Russ pointed out earlier, the PS3 version only got an 8.2 on the PS3, but that’s more of a hardware problem. They’re the same game.

Here are some other games that B-netta is either as good as or better than according to the scores:

Modern Warfare 2: 9.5

Uncharted 2: 9.5

Assassin’s Creed 2: 9.2

Rock Band 2: 9

Fallout 3: 9.4 PS3, 9.6 Xbox 360

The Orange Box: 9.5

Mass Effect: 9.4

Bioshock: 9.4 PS3, 9.7 Xbox 360

…and so on. Truth be told, I’ve only played the Bayonetta demo, and although I liked it, I can’t help but be a little skeptical of that 9.5, especially since it received a higher mark than the IGN’s Top 360 game of all time, Mass Effect. Also, until I play the game  (which may or may not ever happen) and it proves me wrong, I refuse to believe that it is right up there with Fallout 3. There is just no damned way.

Just What You Wanted For Xmas…

Shhhh….hear that? Those sleigh bells jingling, that hot chocolate percolating, and candy canes becoming the objects of devouring? It’s Christmas soon, and we thought we’d get you readers something special this year.

It may sound horribly selfish of us, but we got you the gift of NO PODCAST THIS WEEK, to give your ears a break from the trifle triflings that erupt from our mouths each week.

Enjoy!

IW Patches MW2 Multiplayer Issues/Plays Games With My Heart

That’s just perfect. It would figure that the day after I finally unlock the damned thing, IW puts out a patch to, among other less important things, balance (a.k.a pussify) the Model 1887. After completely dominating a certain team deathmatch with these beauties akimbo style last night, I even got a message from the last I guy I killed telling me that I was cheap for using them because they are too overpowered. I love things like that! Now, no more.

At least I got one good night with them.

You Better Na’vi Late

Tyler and I are going to see Avatar right now. You are more than welcome to meet us there, but if you are coming from Scotland, Australia, Texas, or pretty much anywhere outside of Los Angeles, you better hurry, it starts in an hour. See you there!

I still hope there is some serious airbending.

Biting the Big Apple

Wife, child and I are headed up to NYC for a few days of shopping, eating, and Rockefeller christmas tree viewing. Don’t worry, we’re not buying you anything.

Demotopia!: Il-2 Sturmovik: Birds of Prey

Here’s an awesome video game/real world connection for you. Last week, Thai authorities seized a plane that was connected to smuggling arms in and out of awesome places like Russia and North Korea (both countries of which I have been drunk in. True story). The type of plane? An Il-76; a plane made by the very same manufacturer (Ilyushin), that made the Il-2, which just happens to be the subject of the most recent demo I’ve played: Il-2 Sturmovik: Birds of Prey.

Although it had just about the worst, and probably most racist voice acting ever in a game, I was big fan of Blazing Angels. It didn’t take itself too seriously by getting caught up in a bunch of details like flight instrumentation and an unnecessary variety of weapons, but it gave you just what you needed to have a good time: a machine gun, some rockets, and someone to shoot at. It was fairly shallow gameplay-wise, but it produced a lot of body-leaning good times.

Much of the same can be said from my demo experience wit Il-2. It’s not gaudy or flashy, and although it does have more depth Blazing Angels, it focus more on the ride than the small technicalities. There are a multitude of different viewpoints both in and out of the cockpit, and a target lock-on that ensures you don’t lose sight of what you’re going after. However, the tutorial mission puts you in the air with dozens of slow moving targets all around you, so I didn’t get a feel for anything as fast or intense as a dogfight. The controls are a tricky to wrap your mind around at first, especially since I feel I just mastered simple piloting techniques of the planes in Battlefield: 1942, but once I overcame that curve, it started becoming more natural.

Look, this game isn’t a Modern Warfare 2, or an Assassin’s Creed 2, or an Uncharted 2, but it can definitely be something a little less involved for you to get into after all those top-tier titles have run their course, and by then you’ll be able to pick it up on the cheap. If you liked Blazing Angels, or even really liked the flying in BF:1943, give the Il-2 Sturmovik: Birds of Prey demo a shot.

Notflix.

Here’s something that’s both interesting and annoying. Right now, Netflix.com is down, which affects not only the browsing of the site, but also the Xbox 360/PS3 playback. The only things available for me to watch are what I’ve already put in my Instant Watch queue, which I know now is just a lot of crap.

So now, I’m stuck here watching “Holly’s World” on E!. It is simply the worst thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

The Pain of Replaying Games

To prepare for God of War III and its imminent awesomeness, I’ve been playing a lot of the God of War Collection. Right now I just made it to the section on top of the titan Kronos (pictured above); and anyone that played God of War knows that it’s that damned part with all the puzzles and water and shit. Not literal shit, but figurative shit. Anyway, those who’ve played the game also know that the much-hated Hades level comes up soon after that. In other words, I already know that the next couple hours with this game are going to make me mad, and I’m having trouble getting excited about playing it at all.

Problem is, I really want to play God of War II and I feel like Zeus will be cranky with me if I don’t play the games in their proper, infuriating order.

Threevue.com-exclusive alternate post art after the break!

I Can’t Be The Only One That Feels This Way

With all the time and resources that Ubisoft put into making Assassin’s Creed 2, couldn’t they have done something to make Lucy Stillman actually look human, and not like the offspring of The Joker and a velociraptor with shoulders like a linebacker? Seriously, she looks horrible! At least in the first game she actually looked a little like Kristen Bell, but here she just looks like some sort of monster. As a matter of fact, the entire present day part looks extremely low-budget.

I know the modern, real world scenes are not the focus of the game, but as the place where you spend the first thirty minutes, it’s a very bad representation of what’s to come. Oh, and while I’m at it, I hate those two new characters that are helping out. Super annoying.

Game’s rad, though.

Fuel For Gaming, My Ass

Just a quick note to let you know that I’ve never had a sip of Mountain Dew in my life and I find such a concrete statement insulting. I am also insulted by the fact that MTN DEW is so awsm tht it cn shrtn wrds. Actually, what I find most insulting is that this is perpetuating a stereotype about gamers. Okay, really what I find MOST insulting is that some gamer just saw the above advertisement and immediately reached for a frosty can of “teh Dew” in his trusty computer-side mini fridge.

My fuel for gaming, obviously, is hatred.